During this time of year, you’ll be interacting not only with your established customer base, but also with a new batch of individuals who are shopping for other people—and it’s a foregone conclusion that despite your best efforts some of them will be dissatisfied. You have two choices. One, treat the complaining customer like he’s a pain in the neck. Or two, appreciate each complaining customer and use the complaint as an opportunity to improve.By using a customer complaint to uplift your service, you not only transform that shopper’s experience from a negative one to a positive one; you turn him or her into an evangelist for your organization. Furthermore, you gain valuable insight into what many other customers think about your organization, and most importantly, how you can improve your service.

Thank them for their complaint. Give positive recognition by saying, right off the bat, “Thank you for reaching out, especially in the middle of your holiday shopping.”

Show appreciation for the complaining customer’s time, effort, communication, feedback, and suggestions. Always keep in mind that the customer didn’t have to come to you at all. He could have simply taken his business to your competitor. When a customer gives you the opportunity to recover their service, be grateful.

Don’t be defensive. It’s easy to get defensive when an angry customer is on the other end of the line. Customers with complaints exaggerate situations, they get confused, and yes, they may even lie about how things went down. It’s tempting to just say, “No! That’s not what happened. You’re wrong!” But getting defensive will lead only to more problems.

When you get defensive, you raise the temperature even higher. Think about the last time you had a disagreement with your spouse. How did it make you feel when he or she told you that you were wrong about something or completely denied that a set of events happened the way you said they happened? Probably not very happy. When a customer complains, they’re doing so because they feel wronged in some way. You don’t have to agree with what they’re saying. But you do have to agree to hear them out. That’s how you keep the conversation moving in a positive direction.

Acknowledge what’s important to them. Even if you think the customer’s complaint is unfair, there is something they value that your company didn’t deliver on. Embrace that value.

What the customer wants is to feel right. When you agree with their value dimension, you’re telling them they are right to value this specific thing. For example, if a customer says your service was slow, then that customer values speed. You might say, ‘Absolutely, you deserve quick, efficient service.’ Or if a customer says your staff was rude, you might say, ‘We do agree that you should be treated with courtesy and respect every time you come to our store.’

When you validate what a customer values, you aren’t agreeing with them that your service is slow or that your staff is rude. You’re saying, ‘We agree with you on what you find important and what you value. And we want to deliver in those areas.’

Use judo, not boxing. In boxing, you go right after your opponent, trying to punch him to the ground. In judo, you work with someone else’s motions to create a desired result. You use another person’s speed and energy to spin him around and then end up together on the same side.

When you show a customer you understand what they value, you’re catching them off guard with your own movement. They don’t expect you to tell them that they’re right. Suddenly, just as you might do in judo, you’ve avoided a defensive confrontation and you can spin them. In judo, you’d spin them to the ground. In customer service, you use the opportunity to show the customer that you’re now both on the same side and you can work together.

Explain the company’s desire to improve. When you understand what the customer values, show them things your company does that helps you perform well in that area. For example, let’s say a customer is complaining because a package was delivered a day late. You would say, “We understand that quick, on-time delivery is important to our customers.”

Now the unhappy customer will probably say, “But you failed in my case! My package was a day late.” Then, you should calmly say, “Here’s what happened. On that day there was a snow storm that slowed our service. I’d like to reassure you that we are working right now to find a better solution. In fact, we’ve recently invested $1.7 million in a fleet upgrade that will allow us to better navigate inclement weather and keep our deliveries coming to you on time.”

Show you are sincere about your commitment to do well in the areas the customer values. At the very least, you can say, “I’m going to make sure everyone in the company hears your story. We don’t want this to happen again.” When you express the company’s desire to improve, you start on the path to rebuilding its credibility with the customer.

Educate your customer. Part of hearing the customer out is answering any questions they ask about their specific situation. Provide additional, useful information. If they ask a question that you can’t answer or don’t know the answer to, tell them you’ll find out the answer and get back to them. And then actually follow through. Contact the customer with the answers they requested. And even if they might not have requested an update about their situation, get back in touch with them with one anyway. These are additional opportunities for you to say through your actions, ‘We care about you. We value your business.’

Contain the problem. Let’s say a family is shopping in a crowded, busy department store. The youngest child in the group starts to have an all-out meltdown. Suddenly, a staff member sweeps onto the scene and whisks the family into a special room. Inside, they find bottles of water, snacks, and a comfortable sitting area, etc. The only thing missing in the room is any connection to the store’s brand. That’s because this room is used to isolate customers from the brand until they’re all—parents and children—having a more pleasurable experience. The room is also being used to isolate the unhappy family from the families outside the room who are having a more pleasant shopping experience. And finally, they’re being isolated from some staff members who may not be as well prepared to handle these sticky situations.

That’s just one example of how you contain a problem. What if the issue isn’t a public disruption, but a problem you want to contain before it becomes a public relations disaster? You might instruct your service providers to say something like, “No matter what our rules or policies are, we see that your circumstance requires flexibility. We want to handle your special situation carefully. Let’s work together to figure out what’s best. But first, let me thank you for reaching out.” Remember, whatever the situation is, your first order of business is to keep the problem from growing. Only then can you work on defusing it.

Even if you can’t help, apologize. Every service provider knows that the customer is not always right. And even when the customer has a point, it’s not always within a service provider’s power to completely rectify the situation. But the customer is always the customer, and you should apologize for the inconvenience they believe they’ve experienced.

For instance, a customer might ask for a retroactive discount on a product that went on sale shortly after the customer purchased it. However, company policy does not allow retroactive discounts. Your service provider might say, “Unfortunately, it’s not our company’s policy to give retroactive discounts. [Here, the employee could give a brief explanation of the policy and the reasoning behind it.] However, I understand why you’re frustrated, and I apologize.” This response shows understanding and empathy for the customer’s discomfort, displeasure, or inconvenience. You might even give your customer service providers leeway to offer freebies or discounts to further defuse situations like these—more on that next.

Recover. Show the customer you care about them, even if you feel the company did everything right, by making them an offer. Companies worry that they’ll get taken advantage of if they give vouchers, discounts, or freebies as part of their service recovery, but the reality is that almost never happens.

Offer the customer something and then explain that you’re doing so ‘as a gesture of goodwill’ or ‘as a token of our appreciation. Sears takes recovery seriously. The company now has a ‘blue ribbon team’ of specially educated and empowered staff to handle recoveries. Once an issue goes to them, anything they recommend is what gets done. They have full support from the top down. Sears does this because the company understands that a successfully recovered customer can become your most loyal advocate and ally.

Give serial complainers an out. Some people just love to complain. These kinds of customers complain, not so that they can become satisfied, but because they are never satisfied. With serial complainers, you must limit your liability and isolate them from your brand.

The holidays tend to bring out the absolute worst in never-satisfied serial complainers. They’re the people who gripe that your company’s free-with-purchase giveaway is too ‘cheap,’ for instance, or who personally attack employees for not doing what they want, even though the company policy has already been politely explained to them multiple times. It’s difficult to deal with this type of customer even under the best of circumstances, but in the midst of the hectic, stressful holiday retail season, serial complainers are an especially strong drain on your employees.

To handle them, keep your wits about you. Don’t let their lack of manners bring your manners down. Don’t let their bad mood infect yours. And in advance, work out with your colleagues when and how to support each other when a serial complainer shows up. Being served by you in tandem with a colleague or two will cause many serial complainers to back down or at least calm down. Finally, just before the complainer departs, let them know you are genuine about welcoming them back and wanting them to be happy. Most people—including serial complainers—will reflect on their behavior later in the day and feel awkward or even ashamed. You want their final memory of you to be powerful and positive.

Your customers are not your enemy. It’s sometimes hard to remember that when you’re involved in a tense complaint situation. But they’re essential to your business and you really are both on the same side. Your customer wants the product or service you provide, and you want to give it to them. When you treat complaints as opportunities to build loyalty, you can create customers for life and uplift your entire company in the process.

Ron Kaufman, UP! Your Service founder and chairman, believes service is the essence of humanity. He has helped companies on every continent build a culture of uplifting service that delivers real business results year after year. He is the author of the New York Times bestseller Uplifting Service and 14 other books on service, business, and inspiration. UP! Your Service enables organizations to quickly upgrade service performance and secure a sustainable advantage by building an uplifting service culture.